For anyone who knows me, I like to sit when I pee, but like to stand against my depiction of wrong. In this case I would like to tackle a tiny piece of the double-standard; in particular, my choice in alcoholic beverages. I ran into a girl at the bar the other night and she was ordering a few drinks, but her drink of choice was whiskey. Now out loud I commended her for being a "rock star" but in my head I was thinking "why the fuck would someone want to do that?" I mean sure, whiskey was popular in the old west, but that was because those mustache wearing fairies didn't know of anything else. To give a point to the women on this, those men were pretty retarded and rode horses while bouncing around on their nutsacks for a living. Women choosing shots straight up as opposed to the typical wine/vodka cranberry, makes them cool enough to hang with the big boys. It is a rite of passage to be an honorary member of the men's club.
Continuing my point I went out the other night for a birthday party and ordered some Skinny-Ritas. Now it's bad enough that my boss (who is a woman) requested I relinquish my "man card" for not wanting to donate blood, but having the waitresses poke fun at me for my beverage choice was just unnecessary, but necessary. Sure I appreciated the attention, but not for drinking a low-calorie margarita. I mean when did drinking a so-called girly drink transform my penis into a beautiful vagina? Society makes it seem like the only thing gayer than being a balls deep taint tickler is downing fruit based drinks or being conscious of my weight when I drink. It's like being thin is some sort of heterosexual deviance and being fat is brawny and rugged. So consuming straight liquor is showing a 1 ounce shot of toughness and using additives make you less of an unshaven sperm producer? To each his own, but I think it takes more courage sipping a Strawberry Daiquiri in public than it does to drain a few shots of Wild Turkey. I'd rather spend my money on drinks I can enjoy than impress people with my lack of taste buds and sex appeal.
